Alia Gets Robbed By MS-13

SCENE: On a bus on the way to San Salvador. ALIA dozes in a seat, unable to really sleep because of the blaring regueton music.

The bus stops and lets on a clean-cut, well-dressed GANG MEMBER, who immediately sits down next to ALIA. The following dialouge is all Spanish.

GANG MEMBER (speaking slowly and quickly, rather indecipherable over the music): I am from MS-13...mumble mumble give me money...mumble mumble kiss.

ALIA (prepared to do anything but not really understanding): What?

GANG MEMBER (no longer mentioning gangs or money): I am going to kiss you. Like you're my girlfriend.

ALIA (now convinced she is hearing wrong): Huh? (turns to look with terrified dinner-plate eyes at the COBRADOR, the guy who collects money on the bus. COBRADOR comes over.)

COBRADOR: Is everything all right here? Is he making you uncomfortable?

ALIA (ascertaining that GANG MEMBER has no gun but unsure about a knife. Consciously keeping the same terrified gaze as a hint): Um...no...everything's fine.

COBRADOR: Ok, then! (leaves.)

GANG MEMBER: I'm getting off the bus in Comalapa.

(ALIA is silent, pretending not to understand Spanish.)

GANG MEMBER: Hey, if you take the Autopista highway, you could get to San Salvador faster.

(ALIA, confused at the random travel advice, is still silent.)

GANG MEMBER: Ok, give me a dollar.

ALIA (looking confused): I don't understand.

GANG MEMBER: MONEY!

(ALIA pulls a dollar out of her bookbag and hands it to GANG MEMBER).

GANG MEMBER (grabs Alia's boobs): MORE!

(ALIA'S HERO, a random man sitting behind her, stands up suddenly and pulls a knife, which he holds to GANG MEMBER's back.)

ALIA'S HERO: This guy is a gang member! He's trying to take money from this girl! Get him off the bus!

(ALL THE PASSENGERS explode into exclamations, screams, a woman starts crying. ALIA just kind of blinks. It's pretty early in the morning. GANG MEMBER is escorted off the bus and can be seen boarding another bus.)

ALIA: Hey, he's getting on that bus! Shouldn't they be warned? Call the police?

(EVERYONE shrugs.)

Pretty much the best gang robbery story I've heard, much less experienced.

In other news, another Peace Corps volunteer and her community members came today with corn and beans for my village. We gave them breakfast, oranges and pineapples, and fun was had by all. I'll be excited to sort and donate the food to needy families, if I can keep the village council guy from just giving it to his friends.

Also we are having a community cleanup tomorrow, for which the mayor's office said they would donate face masks, as the dust in our village is making everyone sick. But today they pretended they knew nothing about that promise and the whole thing looks about ready to fall apart, because the principal doesn't want to do the cleanup, which we have planned forever, without the masks. So I'm off to yell at people now. Seriously, I'm sick of this kind of thing.

Paz y amor.